The beginnings are wonderful, but eventually, the butterflies in your stomach go away (don’t ask me where), and you are left with the worm of dissatisfaction.
Is this always the case, and can we escape this ironic joke of fate?
The answer is YES: We can stay with the butterflies forever. I’ll explain how.
Why does the average couple lose the aliveness after a few years?
This happens because most compadres think a partner should be a source of pleasure, fun and enjoyable experiences.
As if getting a girlfriend was like going to an amusement park.
Pleasure is good.
Pain is Bad.
Give me cake and leave me alone.
The expectation that the whole trip will be a honeymoon on Christmas Day is the number one relationship killer. This is simply unrealistic. And when EXISTENTIAL PROCESSES come, they become a conflict.
Conflict creates distance.
And distance kills all chemistry.
In the end, coexistence or lawyers.
The way to keep the flame of life alive is to accept all you don’t like and actively work on your relationship.
The idea here is simple: Don’t assume that your relationship will stand on its own. Like your body, if left unattended, it will age and weaken.
Developing a deep Bond is painful.
I repeat this.
Achieving a deep, unique connection IS uncomfortable; it takes effort, patience, and trial and error.
It is like this because it REQUIRES transformation. And transformation implies dying, aka letting go. Bye, Bye miss American pie. Sayonara. The end.
Changing is painful.
Changing is life.
Some people devote their ENTIRE lives to cultivating their relationships to experience the eternal pleasure of perfect union.
It is a HUGE endeavour.
The most beautiful storm you will ever face.