Fear of Intimacy

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Yoga Teacher - Personal Development Master and Spiritual Guide - Engineer - Life and Business Coach in Inner Spark

Latest posts by Pablo Leon (see all)

Fear of intimacy is like standing on the edge of a cliff. One more step and you lose everything. You’d better pack your things and get the hell out of here…

Because if you take that step, you know… the ground disappears under your feet, there’s no control, no up, no down. Everything spins; it’s intense. Everything hurts; everything makes you dizzy.

You can’t go where you want to go; you can’t do what you want to do, think what you want to think, or feel what you want to feel.

What you want no longer matters a damn because you’re falling hopelessly. And whatever awaits you below is new, unknown, different, and unexpected.

A dreadful death?

Unspeakable suffering?

Suffocating guilt?

None of the above.

Read on, and you’ll see.

Fear of intimacy comes from the idea that we will lose something VERY VALUABLE if we connect with someone and open up.

Externally this feeling can be experienced as we lose time, energy, peace, control, and freedom….. Even feeling that we may lose ourselves.

Exchange = Loosing (Crazy fake idea)

This causes us to build physical and mental barriers with the people around us. We separate, isolate ourselves and start a love affair with our ego.

This makes us unable to generate a true connection in our relationship or directly unable to manifest a partner to share our life with.

I am going to share with you the 4 direct actions you can take to undo your fear of intimacy and be able to generate deep connections:

Promote social contact: Say yes to real, live connection. Pay attention to all the opportunities life offers you to connect with people. On the street, in your favourite supermarket, when you walk…

When your family proposes your plans, or your friends, or workmates. Be aware of these opportunities and accept them!

Behind every encounter, there is an opportunity for real connection.

Watch your judgements and rejections. One of the most direct ways we isolate ourselves is by judging everything around us. When we judge, we reinforce the idea of difference, increasing the distance between us and the world. Understand that you have a way of looking at life based on your specific experiences and education. Relax your opinions and open yourself to experience what life brings you.

Let go of the preferences funnel: Another typical form of self-isolation is to over-filter everything that comes into our lives by using exorbitant expectations and preferences.

I like guys to be quiet and spiritual, my friends have to love nature, dates have to be romantic, and rice is not to be eaten with potatoes….

Open yourself to experience things that are not your preferences, especially if life brings them to you!

Forget the social carnival: The most common way we hide from others is through social masks and false personalities. When we wear them, we feel we can’t express and say as much as we want. These masks make us feel heavy and fake and create a lot of tension inside us.

Many people take off this mask with their partners and family members, and others take it off in front of their therapists, coaches or close friends.

Find the best way for you and experience the tremendous pleasure of expressing yourself freely without limitations, and o it!

When you overcome the fear of intimacy, tension and suffering disappear. You can jump off that cliff. And you do it in peace.

You enjoy the fall, the experience, the movements, the unexpected. You realise that you have been missing that intensity all your life.

You don’t need to control anything when you’re having a great time.

And at the bottom…

There is no fear, no death, and no end… Just love, connection and meaning.

Belonging, understanding and tenderness.

An infinite and instant understanding that the other is you.

As beautiful and holy as you.

As deserving of joy and love as you are.

And so on… until the intensity is so great and ecstatic that there is no longer “other” and there is no longer “you”.

See you at the bottom of the abyss.

Hug

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