My Partner is stressed and takes it out on me

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Yoga Teacher - Personal Development Master and Spiritual Guide - Engineer - Life and Business Coach in Inner Spark

What to do when my partner is stressed and comes towards me quite moody?

Listen.

Maybe he had a bad day at work, the full moon, the solstice, or the traumas with his mother… whatever.

In any case, you don’t want him to take his negativity out on you… Because you always feel bad afterwards, and MOREOVER, you never solve anything this way.

Shame and blame salads destroy energy. They make us feel heavy and hopeless. No point.

Are you tired of this loop and want a more constructive alternative?

Well, here it is.

𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐥𝐥, 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐠𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐦.

Our unconscious minds are full of tensions, conflicts and negative inner dialogue. When we heal, these things come to the forefront of our consciousness and can cause us to accumulate a LOT of stress.

It happens to all of us. It is nobody’s fault. No one has done anything wrong.

Understand it. Empathise with the nature of his situation.

𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝, 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟.

The best way to help him is to get him to recognise what he is going through. And for this, what you can do is… let him know directly:

“Honey, you seem a little stressed.”

“My love, I see a lot of tension in you.”

“My darling, you are going through an intense time.”

This is an invitation to stop and take responsibility for his situation. To become aware and not project that tension onto you.

If he reconsiders his attitude, realises his state and apologises to you, you have succeeded.

If not, the next step 👇

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐝, 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

This is the most important step and the most difficult.

If someone is going through a difficult time and wants to take it out on you, you should not give them the gift of your attention.

Resist the temptation to feel guilty, to feel that you are abandoning them or that you are rejecting them. You are not.

You are simply GIVING him the time and space he needs to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for his EXPERIENCE.

If you interact and receive that stress on yourself, you will be reinforcing the FALSE idea that YOU are to blame for that STRESS. You will be supporting his PROJECTION.

And in a conscious relationship, we don’t want to project. We want to be CONSCIOUS 😉

So leave him with its process and devote your attention to CONSTRUCTIVE things for your life: Spiritual practice, exercises, work, friends… Whatever you feel like doing.

And stay there until you notice that he has taken full responsibility for his experience. You will hear something like:

“You’re right; I’m very stressed.”

“Sorry, it’s true; I have to work with this; something is going wrong”.

“You’re not to blame for this; it’s me; I’ve had a bad day.”

𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲, 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩.

When you perceive responsibility, AKA awareness, it is the perfect time to give your attention and support.

Together you can look for the causes of that tension and find solutions. Cooperation is love, guys.

And most importantly:

In this way, you reinforce a framework of responsible interaction in your relationship. You reward responsibility and awareness with your attention and energy.

And you deny that same energy to reactive processes of stress and rejection (which do not deserve it).

𝐑𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫.

The best help you can give someone is to make them aware. The rest happens almost on its own. Magic, forgiveness and peace.

And in exchange, you receive everything.

That’s the love everyone talks about, but few know.

Hug.

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