What is love?
As humans, we have the potential to experience two types of love: conditional and unconditional.
The conditional, or limited, is the one most people enjoy. We refer to it as limited because it has a specific cause. It means it can only be achieved in certain circumstances. On the other hand, unconditional love is a free quality, not bound to any specific constraint. It comes naturally on its own, and it requires nothing to manifest itself.
If you say, “I love ice-cream,” it means that whenever you eat one, you feel uplifted and energized. You enjoy it a lot! But this joyful experience will not be available unless you have one of these summer snacks. If you don’t, you will be unable to connect with this experience!
What does your longing for ice-cream mean? It means that you want to experience that joy as often as possible. What happens when you get one? Butterflies in the stomach and pleasant sensations, along with a rush of dopamine – the chemical in your brain that causes happiness.
However, what happens when someone or something denies you this possibility? They are denying you the experience of joy. You will then begin to feel angry at them.
In this way, conditional love becomes the source of judgement, attachment and hate.
This example can seem a bit naive, but it represents a quick reference to how conditional affection works. Switch the object ice-cream to something else of your choice, like your husband/wife, children, work, money or body. The mechanism behind it is the same.
This is the capacity to live in such a state in which you feel and share tenderness every second. No matter what you have experienced in your life, nothing will stop you from feeling and manifesting love. Cool, isn’t it?
This quality is not about butterflies in the stomach and pleasant sensations, as the previous one. Instead, this one is about acceptance, about welcoming every experience that comes into your life.
Unconditional love includes conditional love. Unconditional love accepts conditional love as another human experience.
For self-development purposes, unconditional love is considered the real one, for it is the quality that brings freedom and growth. Therefore, if you are interested in self-development, you need to nurture and grow this quality.
How can I reach unconditional love?
You have to love yourself fully. Then you will spread your tenderness everywhere.
The way you relate to the world around you mirrors the way you love yourself. Do you welcome certain things and reject others? It means you allow some parts of yourself and hate others. It is impossible for you to fully enjoy your life if you don´t accept yourself. That is the reason why you are not able to perceive perfection in the world. Even in the most essential person in your life, the one that shares everything with you, has aspects you dislike.
The path that takes you from conditional to unconditional love is a path of inner receiving. It is, in fact, training in receiving.
How can others help me?
Relationships are the best tools you have to work internally. They are the best support you will ever have, so pay attention to them!
Relationships do not necessarily mean a spouse as you might think. It can include your family, your best friend, your colleagues; anyone in your life that knows you well.
To fill your life with joy, you need to change internally. You have to completely embrace and accept every aspect of your life. To accomplish such a great purpose, you can grow and develop through human interactions. Each interaction shows you part of your unconscious mind.
I said that relationships are the best support for you to bring back unconditional love into your life. It is true. But such support is not always based on charming hugs and cozy words. It provides you with the opportunity to visit the painful areas of your unconscious mind, to bring light and forgiveness into them. This experience is often uncomfortable. So, the idea of support needs to be very well understood. Only then you can accept the potential help of others. Once you realize that every painful interaction with another human being is a chance to love yourself, you will no longer feel guilty or blamed. Nor will you blame others or yourself. You will bless everyone with your tenderness, Bravo!