Why Is It So Hard to Have a Good Relationship with Our Parents?
Let’s be honest—healing our relationship with our parents is one of those deeply personal challenges that never really goes away. Especially for those of us walking a spiritual path, this question keeps resurfacing: How can I stay true to my soul while dealing with parents who don’t understand or support this journey?
Often, our spiritual awakening leads us down a very different road—different values, different beliefs, different ways of expressing love and truth. And when these differences clash with the people who raised us, pain surfaces. So what’s the most common reaction? We distance ourselves. We create space. We disconnect emotionally and sometimes even physically. Why? Because it just hurts too much to stay close.
There’s frustration. Old memories that sting. Unspoken words. Resentments that quietly pile up over the years. So we do what seems safest: we cut the cord in the material world.
But then something strange happens. We begin to feel that something essential is missing. Even if we’re thriving in other areas, the absence of peace in our relationship with our parents leaves an invisible wound. And that’s where the confusion starts: Should I try to reconnect? Is it even possible?
Healing Is Not About the Physical Relationship—It’s About the Spiritual Connection
Here’s something that changed everything for me: Our pain with our parents doesn’t just come from what they did or didn’t do—it comes from the spiritual disconnection underneath it all. In shamanic wisdom, we speak of the Divine Father Archetype and the Divine Mother Archetype—pure, powerful forces that represent the highest qualities of the masculine and feminine.
These archetypes exist beyond our earthly parents. In fact, our physical parents are meant to be symbols, or as we say in shamanism, amulets, that help us connect with these sacred energies. The father and mother you were born to are supposed to be bridges—portals to these higher spiritual guides.
The Divine Father brings qualities like inner strength, confidence, clarity, protection, and grounded power. The Divine Mother offers nurturing, forgiveness, compassion, beauty, and unconditional love. These are the energies we all need to evolve—spiritually and emotionally.
But here’s the challenge: most earthly parents are not aligned with these divine energies. They might be wounded themselves. They might have never received the love they needed. So they struggle to reflect these divine archetypes. And when that happens, a painful gap forms—a break not just with our parents, but with the Divine Mother and Father themselves.
And that’s the real source of our suffering. Not just a broken relationship with mom or dad—but a broken link to the sacred masculine and feminine that we deeply need in our lives.
How to Reconnect with the Divine Mother and Divine Father Archetypes
So what do we do when the bond with our parents feels broken? When healing the physical relationship is simply not possible—because they’ve passed away, or the distance is just too great, or communication is toxic or nonexistent?
The answer lies in something deeper. You don’t need your physical parents to reconnect with the divine essence they were meant to reflect. You can restore your relationship with the Divine Father and Divine Mother archetypes directly.
This isn’t about fantasy or imagination. It’s about reconnecting with the qualities that these archetypes represent and inviting them consciously into your life. For example:
- The Divine Father brings: strength, structure, trust, direction, presence, grounding energy, and healthy authority.
- The Divine Mother offers: tenderness, compassion, forgiveness, nurturing, creativity, intuition, and unconditional love.
Every single one of us needs these energies to live a balanced life. And when we lack them—when we grew up without a supportive father figure or a nurturing mother—we end up searching for them in places that often confuse us more than help us.
Some people try to find their divine parents in their romantic partners, which creates tension and codependence. Others chase external validation, achievements, or constant approval, trying to fill a void that only these inner archetypes can truly satisfy.
So how do we actually reconnect? Let’s look at some real-world examples from our shamanic school and retreats, where these practices are part of the path.
Shamanic Practices to Awaken the Father Archetype Within You
In our tradition, we work with the archetypes through rituals, nature immersion, and deep personal challenges that help awaken these energies from within. For example, once or twice a year, we organize a special men’s retreat—a sacred space for men to reconnect with the Divine Father.
At these retreats—like the one we’re hosting this June in Germany—we challenge ourselves physically and emotionally. We swim in ice-cold rivers. We walk on fire. We push beyond the mental limitations that keep us small. And in doing so, something magical happens: we reconnect with our inner strength, our confidence, our masculine essence.
We’re not just doing extreme activities—we’re reclaiming the spiritual power of healthy fatherhood. A power that’s firm but loving. Strong but wise. Grounded but visionary.
This power allows us to show up more fully in our lives. To manifest the life we want. To protect what matters. To speak truth with authority. And perhaps most importantly, to forgive our physical father and heal that ancient wound that still echoes in our hearts.
Connecting with the Divine Mother Through Nature and Compassion
Just as we work with the Divine Father through strength and challenge, we reconnect with the Divine Mother through softness, surrender, and nature. In our shamanic retreats focused on feminine healing, we often go deep into natural landscapes—forests, lakes, mountains—and open ourselves to the quiet wisdom of the Earth.
Why nature? Because nature is one of the purest reflections of the Divine Mother. She nourishes us without asking for anything in return. She holds space for us to cry, to breathe, to slow down. The sun on your skin, the breeze through the trees, the stillness of a lake—these are all reminders that you are loved, accepted, and held.
We use simple yet powerful practices to awaken this connection: walking barefoot, meditating under trees, speaking our truth to the water, or simply lying on the ground and listening. In those moments, we remember who we are. We feel what it’s like to be seen and loved without judgment.
Through this reconnection, we start to experience the essence of the Divine Feminine: forgiveness, beauty, nourishment, emotional healing. And slowly, the pain we carry from our physical mother begins to dissolve. We understand that she, too, was hurting. That maybe she was never taught how to nurture, because she was never nurtured herself.
And from this place of understanding, we can finally forgive her—not for her sake, but for ours. We reclaim our ability to receive love and softness. We become our own source of nourishment and emotional safety.
When You Heal the Archetypes, You Heal the Wound with Your Physical Parents
Here’s the beautiful part: when you reconnect with the Divine Father and Mother, your relationship with your earthly parents naturally begins to shift—even if they’re not physically present anymore.
This doesn’t mean you’ll suddenly become best friends with your mom or dad. In some cases, direct communication may never happen. But internally, something changes. You no longer feel defined by the pain, the absence, or the rejection. You feel whole. You feel free.
And that’s what we’re really longing for, isn’t it? Not necessarily perfect relationships, but inner peace. A sense that we are loved, supported, guided. A sense that we belong.
Once the archetypes are restored within you, your family history no longer defines your identity. You become the bridge. The cycle-breaker. The healer of your lineage. And this is one of the most powerful steps you can take on your spiritual path.
Stop Looking for the Divine Mother or Father in Your Romantic Partner
This is a subtle but important trap many of us fall into—trying to fulfill the missing Divine Mother or Father energy through our romantic relationships. When we haven’t healed our wounds with our parents, or reconnected with the archetypes, we unconsciously expect our partner to fill that role.
We may crave unconditional support, guidance, approval, or care that’s more parental than romantic. And while these desires are natural, our partner is not meant to play the role of our divine parent. That confusion often leads to unmet expectations, emotional dependency, or patterns of neediness that damage the relationship.
In shamanism, we talk about another archetype that lives in our heart: Oname, the Divine Lover. This is the energy you’re meant to connect with in your romantic relationships—not the Divine Father or Mother. Oname brings a completely different energy: passion, partnership, shared purpose, creative intimacy, and co-evolution.
When we confuse these archetypes, we block both romantic and spiritual growth. But when we restore the Divine Father and Mother within us, and keep Oname sacred in our partnerships, we liberate ourselves from confusion and open the door to true love.
Final Thoughts: You Are the Bridge Back to the Divine
If there’s one thing I hope you take from this article, it’s this: healing your relationship with your parents starts by reconnecting with the Divine Archetypes within you. Whether or not you’re able to speak to your mom or dad, the healing is still available. The peace is still possible. The love you’ve been missing is still yours to receive.
You are the bridge. The one who breaks the cycle. The one who remembers what’s sacred and brings it back into the lineage—not just for you, but for those who came before and those who will come after.
Reconnect with the Divine Father. Reconnect with the Divine Mother. Let their energy hold you, guide you, and empower you. Because when you do, you’ll walk your path with more strength, more clarity, and more love than ever before.
And if you feel called to explore this deeper, join us at one of our upcoming retreats. There’s a space waiting for you—one where you can be seen, supported, and spiritually reborn.
With love and strength,
— [Tu Nombre Aquí]
