You Are Not Broken: Understanding Your Inner Conflict
We have all been there. We have these situations where we yell at the people we love, we get into fights with important people in our lives, or we just fight over silly things. Sometimes, we explode emotionally without any real justification.
Other times, we stop ourselves. We sabotage what we are doing with negative, destructive thoughts, undervaluing the beautiful things in our lives or our projects. Or perhaps we pour our energy into addictions—food, tobacco, drinks—wondering why our energy manifests destructively and feeling like we can’t do anything to stop it.
But before we go any further, I want you to know one thing: You are not broken.
Thinking “I am broken,” “I am doomed,” or “everything I do is wrong” is just another negative, destructive pattern.
The truth is much simpler. The only thing happening is that you have an excess. You have an excess of creative energy that you are not using. Destructive patterns simply feed on the creative energy that we are holding back due to fear and blocks.
Your Gifts Are Not for You
Now, what does this river have to do with you?
Every single one of you has a gift. You have gifts and talents that you received from God, from life itself. We all have them.
But what exactly are these gifts?
- For some, it is intelligence.
- For others, it is fire—a strength and confidence to do things in this world, an incredible vitality.
- Some have the gift of consciousness, the ability to see the truth of what is happening.
- Others are masters of beauty.
- Some have an innocent heart that never judges, that forgives with deep compassion.
- Some have a strong, resistant body, a physical power to achieve great things.
- And some have the gift of humor, bringing joy to the spirit.
Whatever your gift is, imagine it is that river of energy flowing toward you. It is a faucet you cannot turn off. Just like the water from the mountain snows never stops coming, this energy never stops coming to you.
But here is the key you must understand: These gifts are not for you. They are for you to give.
In fact, you often cannot even recognize you have a gift until you give it away. That is why a person who is naturally extremely strong, confident, and full of fire might actually feel weak. Why? Because they aren’t expressing their great gift.
We usually have our biggest blocks right where we have our biggest gifts.
Think about it. Imagine you have that internal fire—the energy of a warrior. But you live in a world conditioned for a quiet, comfortable life where the only goal is simple survival. If your life is just going to the office, going to the supermarket, and maintaining a routine, you cannot express that quality. That fire screams to be put into a great battle, a great project.
Or imagine your gift is creativity. It is screaming at you to create something new, something incredible. But if you are in an environment that is rigid, hermetic, or stuck in old habits, that creativity has no space to get out.
And so, the river gets cut off. The energy accumulates, and accumulates, and accumulates… until it becomes too much.
Why “Managing Emotions” Doesn’t Work
So, how do we solve this? Or rather, why does everyone fail when they try to solve it?
The reason is simple: Everyone tries to manage the consequence.
You tell yourself: “I have to manage this conflict. I have to manage my emotions. I have to manage my intensity, my fear, my anger.”
But the truth is, it is unmanageable. You cannot manage it.
Once your energy has been invested in fear, conflict, frustration, or anger, and it grows enough… you can no longer control it. It dominates you. It covers you. You act based on it. It is almost as if you are possessed by that destructive energy.
And that is when the destructive attitudes come: the fights, the judgments, the negative internal dialogue, the self-sabotage.
Trying to stop the flood after the dam has broken is impossible. You are working at the wrong level.
The 3 Levels of Healing
So, how do we actually work with this?
We can work on three levels. It is super important that you understand these and apply them in your life.
This process of redirecting your energy to a place where it can be expressed takes time. Sometimes, you need to restructure your life. You need to change habits. You need to try new things, invent new projects, and—crucially—you have to “let go” of some things.
It is a profound transformation process, and most people skip it because it’s hard. But here is the roadmap:
Level 1 & 2: The Deep Work
These two go hand in hand, and they are the foundation.
- Identify your gift. You need to find that specific quality (fire, beauty, intellect, etc.) that flows through you.
- Create a space to express it. You must create a project, an environment, or a place in your life where that energy can be redirected.
If you have a creative gift but believe “I have to be a farmer like my father” or “I don’t want to hurt my family by doing something different,” that is your block. You have to dissolve those beliefs to create that space.
Level 3: The Bridge (Energy Alchemy)
Now, what do you do while you are building that new life? What do you do while you are transforming?
You still have that “stagnant water”—the anger, the frustration, the negative self-talk.
This is where Energy Alchemy comes in. You need practical support to handle the destructive energy right now. You do this through spiritual practices:
- Meditation
- Breathwork
- Hikes and walks in nature
- Rituals (like using the drum)
- Ocean baths
These aren’t just for relaxation. Their purpose is to transform heavy, destructive energy (lead) into light, constructive energy (gold). They return you to a state of inspiration and clarity so you can see what is blocking you and keep moving forward.
The Invitation to Transform
This is the great transformation—the secret that almost nobody tells you. Everyone works on the level of the “situation,” trying to fix the fight or the bad habit. Very few people work at the higher level of how you are redirecting your energy.
You can read about this, but to truly heal, you often need to step out of your current environment and experience it.
If you want to take this journey, we are traveling to La Gomera for our next retreat.
In this retreat, we are going to do exactly what we have discussed here, but we are going to do it with our bodies and souls, not just our minds.
Over the course of 6 days and 5 nights on this incredible volcanic island, we are going to:
- Reconnect with nature: We will hike in the mountains, meditate in ancient forests, and swim in the ocean.
- Experience the alchemy: We will connect with dolphins and use powerful practices to transform that negative, heavy energy into something light and vital.
- Find your clarity: You will leave understanding exactly what your gift is and, just as importantly, what specific fear or block has been stopping you from expressing it.
This trip is a gift you give to yourself. It is an escape from the tension, the conflict, and the fear. No one can just “tell” you this truth; you have to feel the process of energy alchemy within yourself. You will be amazed at the shift.
You will finally understand the missing element needed to escape these destructive cycles forever.
Join us in La Gomera (February 2026).
Don’t miss this opportunity to change your life’s flow from a flood into a river.
